True Colors

Please be advised that this event I'm about to share happened in the past. I am in a better state now that's why I'm able to put it into context. I was hesitant to make this post or to put this entry online. But if I don't, then that makes me untruthful and worse, towards myself. We all go through adversities, what's life without it.

It was a tough 2 years for me. 

Staying positive is an important aspect I hang on to everyday to remain sane in my daily challenges. But with the bombardment of assumptions towards me as a person, as a mom, as a wife and just simply a girl who was able to make her first travel extraordinary,  the lighter side dimmed down. 

Change happened after our family vacation in the United States 3 years ago. There was a bit of a struggle going back to our daily grind after living there for almost half a year. While we were in America, I was warned by my husband of the changes that could happen, especially because I've experienced and seen what life is in a different perspective. 

The very reason why we made our long time plan to travel to the United States materialize was because our children were old enough to appreciate the experience. It was due time to see our family abroad and for the fact that it will take a long time before we can make such event happen again.

This travel unfolded easily for us, it felt right so we went on with it. The feeling was surreal because I was with my own family. The experience became extraordinary because it was a dream fulfilled with my children. It changed my perception in life. How to react on things, how to deal with people and how to be more sensitive of my surroundings. I became knowledgeable of things people most probably thought I'm not capable of. 

When we were finally home from our trip, I was so excited to tell stories about the things I learned and experienced to anybody who was ready to listen. But the reception was different, some got disappointed because we weren't able to meet their expectations. Others were not as enthusiastic just because "maybe",  they don't want to show they're excited for us. Some were truly thankful and happy for the gifts we got for them. 

As the days moved on, it turned into months and came a point when my other half had to leave for the United States again.  There were few who questioned our motives and most especially our capability to pursue the plan of moving to the United States. It came to a point when a certain individual even researched and tried to debunk our said goal.

We share these things because being part of the small group we trust, it is more likely expected that we will get support, that we will get encouragement, but that did not happen. Anyway, I survived this particular phase.  

In 2017, I functioned as a single mom for 6 months because my husband had to take care of things in the United States. I was at my best everyday to get by as a single parent. 

During this timeline, my role as a stay at home mom was also questioned. Why am I not working? Apparently for some, work, money and title are forms of empowerment. I greatly respect that, but no one can choose what I should do and tell me what I should contribute.  

For the past 15 years, I maintained a well- balanced home, I created a healthy environment for my family, and that's all on me and my husband. The sacrifices I  made are worth more than the money and power these people are suggesting. 

My purpose is to keep our family intact despite the distractions we are getting, despite the intruders that came into our family life. Support is the very foundation of every good deed. Once it crumbles down, it loses the whole essence and reason of doing the deed at all. 

Lessons and Realizations: 

Find your purpose and focus on it than on someone else's life. 

Plant memories beyond what money can buy and what will stick to those you love once you leave this world. 

The best thing about hard times and defining moments is you get to see the true colors of those around you. 

0o0

What happened for the past 2 years was a turning point for our family. A complete transition. We saw our plan of the future as something good, we were filled with so much hope. With the feedback we got, we thought, it is also something we should learn to let go.

Even with the absence of support, there were those who remained true. I commend the people who reached out and cheered us on.

I learned to play around it by standing firm. I remain quiet but I know when to treat a situation and demand respect in return. 

The Passing of Emo

2018 is indeed the saddest year for us... Not only we encountered something difficult with a friend, but it became truly heartbreaking because our Beagle Emo passed away last October 15, 2018.

The passing of our dog was one of the things I feared the most. It feels like we lost a special person in our lives. We mourn and we still are in the process, missing his presence a lot. Emo brought so much joy and love especially to our children. A Beagle is a great companion, a loyal dog and a sensitive one, it feels whether his masters are troubled or excited.

I can't go to details as to how he passed, what happened... Better if I celebrate the life he shared with us...

Emo Making My Day Brighter

EMO

When Emo Met Jazzy

We appreciate all the love and support that went our way with the passing of Emo... The outpour of comments on our social media pages that described their knowledge and experiences with Emo... Everybody knows Emo as a lovable Beagle. Emo is a one of a kind dog... Emo is emo, no other pet can be like Emo. My eldest son was the most affected with this event. It was our first time to see and hear him cry so hard... Emo was his from the very beginning. We got Emo for him... A day, a week without Emo beside our son makes him feel that something is missing.

It has been 2 months since Emo's passing and it has been a difficult stage for us because we also need to balance our son's emotions, and at the same time, move on with life without Emo... To be honest, this entry is making me emotional. I pause and stare out the window taking some time to breathe in this reality.

You are truly special and a one of a kind companion Emo... you will always be in our hearts... Be one with the Universe again...

Emo: December 28, 2010- October 15, 2018

Closure

Being able to share part of the story that made our year extraordinary was a form of closure to me. I waited 2 months after the event in order to put things together and face the impact once I made these posts: 

2018 The Onlisystem
2 Sides of the Story

My intention and my choice why I created these entries was not to destroy but to bring awareness. To give some realization that things like these happen, it was my first time to experience where a friend got so deeply involved. 

As the unfortunate event was transpiring, I was in total denial. To a point that during the week my dad confronted our friend,  my husband and I welcomed him and his wife to our home, without the knowledge that something was already going on.  It all made sense when I found out what happened with the project and connected everything to the time when they were asking about my father.

Going back to bringing awareness, if I was to destroy somebody, I would have dropped names and even posted pictures and documents.  I will never gain anything from doing that, as a matter of fact, it will only taint my being because I wasn't raised to counter things and events like these. I was taught to remain silent, that there is always a Higher Being watching our every move, hearing our every intention, and taking note of what we do to others. 

My family always give people the opportunity to make things right. If something was said on our part, well, that was out of frustration and disappointment, and I think that's just normal for anyone.

I personally took this as a turning point, a learning curve. I know better now, I will be more careful when it comes to people, especially when friends are involve. 

As to that friend of ours, you weren't as bad until this happened. Thank you for the fun times you shared with our family. You are still welcome to come and fix what needs to be fixed. You will still get your last paycheck as long as you clear your billing statement.  Thank you for still being a friend to my husband who is one of the most affected in all of this. Don't expect things to remain the same. There is a reason why my husband is still with you, but once we reach our goal as a family, I pray, when that opportunity comes, my husband, can move forward from this and without you.

The impact of everything that happened has done so much damage in our personal lives. We can earn the money back, but when people and relationships are affected, it will take time. It will take a lot of humility and forgiveness to put closure to this sad event.

We are in the process of healing, we try our best to forget and move forward by not talking about it, we thrive to see the good in the mess we got into, and that is why this blog will serve as closure for all.

We will leave everything in the hands of God, accept what it was, and embrace what good it will be.

-Updated-

2 Sides of The Story

In relation to the post I made entitled 2018 The Onlisystem, in this entry, I'll be shedding light on how I personally feel about the unfortunate event that transpired. I will look on the idea in this whole fiasco, "if" there are still 2 sides that exist. 

In everything we do, it's always only for the good or for the bad. We give and we take. The only thing that will make the difference is when we give more, if we give less, or if we take less and we take more. Given both "choices", it greatly define our intentions on situations and most especially towards others.

I highlighted the word "choices" because it will be the measurement and my basis why in the story about The Onlisystem, there is only one side to consider. Everything I shared in that post are based on facts, we have photos and documents to back things up.

We chose to work with a friend for the build- out of my parents' house because "we trust" that he will deliver. He guaranteed everything verbally. Whatever what was agreed upon, it was verbally emphasized that we, as clients will get our money's worth in restoring our precious home. 

Everything flowed naturally. Like I said, it started out well, but right in the middle of it, we knew that we were already being taken advantage of. It's hard to explain on text, better to see the site or "our house" in person, but why go through that when it's done. The mistake was made.

We gave our friend a chance to attend to the concerns. We reached out to him several times, even through my husband, his close friend. My father had to come up with other things they can work on to give them opportunities to fix the problem and still earn. They ignored everything, and that my friends was a choice! Even given opportunities to fix the problem and damages, he, they let it pass like nothing happened. 

As clients, it's normal for us to ask and question because we are spending money. Can't that be enough to put value on somebody's dream to have his house fixed so it can serve his family? We entrusted our family life, our stories with him and yet...

Once we make a choice, it means whatever it is that is involve, has brushed our heads, giving us time to think and gauge how are we going to get through, and what are the next steps we need to take.  In this case, our friend whom we trusted, chose to leave things hanging. He chose not to face and fix the mess made, he chose to proceed like he didn't do any damage. Is it even worth to know the other side of the story? 

Given any situation, the next best thing anyone could have done was to face the problem. Exert effort and show that if that's not who you are, take the moment or opportunity to prove yourself. In running a business, everything will be thrown at you, what we had was just minor compared to those who spend time in court, and they can't even face the facts.

My family has fell victim to these types of people, you know, opportunists. For everytime things like these happen, we let it go, because the Universe will take care of them sooner or later.

I'll be honest, my family has learned to let it go already, it's me who is stuck with disbelief.

It saddens me and it breaks my heart to know that my parents has no choice but to swallow and deal with what was given to them. To live with this everyday, is shattering. This whole thing made me feel like I delivered the wrong person right at our very door steps, not a friend. 

 It is not easy for me to shrug it off because I considered the person who did all these things as family. We all considered him and his wife as family.

I am baffled by what just happened. Why it happened.

2018 The Onlisystem

I was on hiatus for about a year. I decided to pause from my personal blogs to give time for what was ahead when 2018 greeted us. Though this post may fall under the "New Year's" category or as a year ender blog, I decided to make this now because of the downpour of negativity and the outpour of random emotions caused by it. 

Why 2018 an Awful Year---

In my years of existence, I've encountered people with personalities of all sorts. I made friends with them, I accepted them for who they were and they did the same with me, which I truly appreciate. I seldom experience rifts with anyone. But I still do yes, no relationship is perfect and for the reason that I may have to let go, that is because it was becoming bad for me.

2018 became the most awful in my years of existence because of one incident. An incident that changed the course of life itself, an event that changed people and a moment that brought out the true colors of the people we trusted. We, meaning my whole family which includes my parents. 

Middle of 2017 my parents asked me if my husband's close friend/ best man who owns a construction business would be open to renovate and do a minor build-out for our house. My husband was in the US when this request happened, so I was the middle person who brought both the client and service provider to meet.

If there was something big to be considered in this project, that is the build out of a swimming pool. The rest were minor work, installation, minor repainting and few add-ons that came along the process.

I was present during the initial assessment and quotation of work needed to be done, and I was also present when the actual and final quotation was presented. With great trust, considering that the engineer is/ was our close friend, my parents did not hesitate even with the absence of a contract.  In this case, the hired construction company should have prepared a contract as an option at least to protect both parties, but for some reason they didn't, so my family looked at the circumstance that we are going to work with a "close friend",  and TRUST was the only thing binding this project from start to finish.

Like any build- out, the project started well... Work officially began April 2018, estimated time for it to finish was within 78 days. Come June, our family, I personally, started having doubts as work moved forward. Almost all that was in the quotation  that was agreed upon was not met. Cheap materials was used. Cheap that you can find those materials and fixtures in the palengke (Filipino wet market) or a local market.

For instance:

Market price for bathroom fixture, a shower head with/ and  faucet made of plastic (at least that's how it looked to me) is at 450php, but we were billed 1,500-2,000php. Other fixtures weren't even stainless steel, we needed to change the fixtures with top of the line brands so it wouldn't look so bad.

We asked for 100% tiling we were given 70% cheap tiles for the garage (which I doubt can hold 5 cars)  and the backyard and 30% was cement. As work continued, it became worse. The quality and design was the cheapest I've ever seen, it's a lawsuit waiting to happen. 

50% of the electrical system of the house bogged down because of faulty wiring done by the electrician of the said company.

 Roofing and engineering of everything was awful to a point that just by looking at the mess they did, will make you think, "how did this guy even get a license?". 

The doors that was supposed to be hardwood was replaced with nothing but crap wood and the carpenter doesn't even know what he was installing. For a freaking crappy door, we were billed 65,000php for the main door and 26,000php each for the remaining doors.

The storage room of my dad was one of the last things they finished and they complained about the junk laying around. When it was agreed on that the storage room was the first or second in line after the pool so the items can be sorted immediately. 

They did not follow what was in the quotation, and for every time my dad will question or ask, they will open and say that there should be an additional payment when in fact, it was in the original quotation. I experienced when that friend of ours even consulted me about the tiles. I openly gave my full on suggestion to make it outdoor if its going to be for the storage room of my dad for safety purposes. Both agreed on it, paid for it, and we didn't get any tiling done for the storage, not unless we pay again.

There are items that were not done which were included in the billing statement, items that was already paid for which were still included in the last statement. (the billing statement is questionable)

It seems like this friend of ours doesn't know what he was doing... it seems like he got overwhelmed with the amount of money he can get in this project. Regardless of who, the most unbelievable part is that, even if it's the father-in-law of his bestfriend, he will do anything in his power just to desperately earn from people who trusted him and his business. 

In all of this, that friend of ours had the nerve to act like he was the victim. You see mister, if you feel degraded of what my father told you, it's hard to say this but, YOU DESERVE IT!

We don't even look at this mess on a "client" perspective anymore. Let's say, it's just really about deception. No respect, no consideration, just proceeding disgracefully with whatever it takes  to survive both in business and most probably in life.

If we were different, or if we didn't know you, with what you have done, a lawsuit is already headed your way.

If we're going to talk about budget? Oh man, we have money, we have the funds. Let me also clear some things here. For the additional work outside the first quotation, we consulted the construction company and they said yes, and as usual they billed my family like we spit gold.

Those additional work was an opportunity to get things done properly, to straighten the damages made. They accepted the work load, but left the house unfinished. A visit from that friend of ours was never made since July, not a single visit at the site (and he said he is running a business). Talk about being a true professional. He may have used these mistakes to prove himself or learn from it at least, but he didn't, he became prideful instead and acted he was the victim. With that attitude sir, no growth will ever be gained. 

These are just some... just some... and I haven't even mentioned the damage you caused in our personal lives, especially between my husband and my father! Not only you use people, but you feel so entitled.

My parents had high hopes for you... they hired you because they want to help you and your business...

I was requested to remain quiet... I was told not say things to destroy you because we are not like you. But what you did to my family is unacceptable that's why I am doing this. Talk about major trickery. 

I'm using this blog and my right to post in my blog what made 2018 so awful. Maybe once people in our network gets to read this, there will be movement, change and realizations at least, to close this devastating event that barged into our quiet lives. 

-Updated-

Spoiled Daughter- In- Law

In the recent reunion I had with my childhood friends, the talked about topics was mostly family life. What's new, the fun part as married women and the ups and downs of sharing a new relationship with people we didn't grow up with, yet, are there to complete our families. I'm talking about our "in-laws".  I was the last person to share in the group about my experiences with my in-laws.

My friends asked me on what kind of relationship I share with my mother-in-law in particular. All I blurted out at that moment was "I'm a spoiled daughter-in-law".  Over-all, my relationship with my in-laws from my mom-in-law, my sister-in-law and brother-in-law and even cousin-in-laws are close to perfect.

 We all have our stories to share, all are expected to be different and all relationships are bound to be created depending on the person or what defines both us and our in-laws. I realized in the end, it's all about respect. It's all about finding your spot in the family and by being sensitive or being aware on what's happening around you.

 My in-laws give importance to my part in the family, which I really appreciate. They respect my role as the mother of their grandchildren and nephews. They never bypass my role as the wife of my husband. 

My parents taught me well in order to have a smooth relationship with my in-laws: pay respect by recognizing their positions and their roles in the family, radiate self-respect and  by being simple. Personally, as much as possible, I try to be the one to adjust in any given situation. 

Honesty is also part of a successful relationship, especially with your other half. 

It is given that we all have our ways in running our own households. On my experience,  being open about the things I prefer matters. Don't be afraid to share your thoughts on certain things. We all have our perspectives so honesty and sincerity will help both sides meet in the middle, agree on something without stepping on each other's roles in the family. Well so far it works for me.

I am very happy, thankful and partly proud to share with my friends the closeness I have with my in-laws. It kinda shed a new light to something where the in-laws (particularly the mom-in-law) plays the villain.  I guess for some it might take time, like a lot of time. Hopefully for most of us, everything is running smoothly. 

If there's one thing to learn when dealing with others in general, it's always to be respectful and understand our differences.

When I said that "I'm a spoiled daughter- in-law", it became a spot- on realization that made me even more grateful for meeting and marrying a man with such a lovely background and family. If my husband is a nice person... my in-laws are nicer. 😁

Pumpkin Patch

In my previous posts, Fall marked our trip in the US last year. We arrived in June and our planned stay was just 2 months. But since it was our first family trip and we haven't seen our families in GA for years, we decided to extend our stay until at least we can celebrate my brother-in-law's birthday, my son's birthday, our great grandma's birthday and to experience Fall. 

As I was told that it's during Fall that the Pumpkin Season begins and so is Halloween preparations and Thanksgiving. It is also the most liked season because of its warm colors and cool breeze.

My youngest son grew fond of pumpkins since. It became his favorite vegetable, he loves Halloween and he even uses his pumpkin container for trick or treating all- year round as toy basin.

At this same time, for the past 2 weeks we've been driving by from church when we noticed that they're slowly setting up the patch. As first- timers, we got really excited. The day has finally arrived, and again from church, we went straight to have our first pumpkin patch experience.

It's like a mini fair. There's an ice cream truck, small rides for kids. One of the things we enjoyed was the scary maze, it was for the whole family to enjoy. The set- up was perfect, nothing too intense.

These pumpkins are for sale, the price will depend on the size. Wheelbarrows are made ready so it would be easier to tow pumpkins around. We bought small ones and displayed it by our kitchen window.

Pumpkins are often used as decorative lanterns (jack-o'-lanterns) for Halloween. By tradition, it is cooked or baked for Thanksgiving. Since we live in the south, the Country feel made it extraordinary. It was my first time, it brought out the kid in me. I mean, pumpkins of different sizes, with hay under my feet and Country music playing... I don't get that everyday, so I'm one happy mom.